Enneagram One: "The Rules": July 30, 2004

I've been meaning to do this for a while now, sketch out each of the nine basic personality types of the Enneagram, to help you understand them better.

("to help": argh. How Enneagram Two of me).

Of course, nine types is a gross simplification, as each type subdivides and subdivides and subdivides further, to accommodate the wide variety of people in everyday life. There's no "better" or "worse" number to be; an Enneagram Four is not inherently better than an Enneagram Three, for example. Think of the nine numbers as labels only.

Ones are the judgers; they are all about seeing the world as black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. They act on gut instinct, but instead of it being directed outwards to other people (like Eights), this energy tends to be directed to controlling the self. This may display itself as an unusually strong adherence to "rules and regulations".

All nine personality types have a range, from healthy to unhealthy. Healthy Ones are natural advocates, reformers, and activists, acting out of a genuine desire to do good for the world (think Mahatma Ghandi). But under increasing stress, or as they become more unhealthy, Ones have a tendency to mope, nag, find fault, and place blame. Among all the Enneagram personality types, they tend to be the ones who find it difficult to make friends, partly because of this fault-finding and blame-placing behaviour. At their unhealthiest they can split into their presentable "good" self and their shadow "bad" self, acting out and then repenting; the deepest fear of the Eneagram One is that she/he is morally deficient, "bad", evil.

I have an ex-friend who is a classic Enneagram One. We no longer communicate, because several months ago, when I came across him online at gay.com and sent him a message to congratulate him on his new job, I discovered that he had deliberately blocked messages from me... I can take a not-so-subtle hint. (But I still signed on under another name just to tell him off.)

He was always a puzzle to me; I never could figure out his personality type until a recent discussion with a mutual acquaintance. He recounted a time, on a road-trip with some buddies, when the person in question blew up in a rage and started blaming them for various problems and issues. Upon hearing about that outburst, recalling a second outburst of anger concerning me, and reading through his past and current gay.com profiles, something clicked: he's a One. The cardinal sin of the Enneagram One is anger.

Here is an excerpt from my former friend's gay.com profile:

Here are a few of 'The Rules' that occurred to me one evening after being online a while. They apply to EVERYONE--young, old, closeted, out, etc, etc.... >>>1. Make up at least a short profile and put something informative in it(!) If you put next to nothing in your profile, as in you don't say WHY you're on here/WHAT you're looking for, then people don't know how to approach you. (If to that you say "good", you're a loser and why are you even on here in the first place if you're that anti-social?) >>>2. If you have preferences re: what TYPE and AGE of guys you want messaging you SAY SO IN YOUR DAMN PROFILE!! If you only like guys within 2 weeks of your own age, then SAY SO. And, if you have strong likes/dislikes for thin/muscular/fat/hairy/ or smooth guys, say that too. Then at least if someone messages you who isn't your type, it's his own fault for not bothering to read your profile. If you DON'T state your type/age range, then the assumption is that you're willing to do whatever you normally would (chat with/meet/hook up with, or whatever) with whomever takes the initiative to pvt. you regardless of how old or young or how heavy/skinny they are. Think about it! Don't assume anyone can read your mind--everyone's different in their tastes. >>>3. READ a person's profile before you pvt. them! This assures you know at least the basics about the person you want to chat with. You might not remember everything you just read, but at least you won't message someone who's paradigmatically your opposite. >>>4. DON'T act all interested in someone one day and ignore him the next. If someone first messages you who you're not interested in, then just tell him you're busy, or not interested or whatever. Don't act like he's your long lost love on Monday, and your worst enemy on Tuesday. Oh---and a footnote----> If you think this is too negative, you either didn't read it very carefully, or it must apply to you. Get over yourself.

Note the first thing that leaps out at you: anger and frustration. Many average-to-unhealthy (or stressed-out) Ones give off that kind of energy. Note also, the issuance of "The Rules", or what they insist is the best or only way to go about doing something.