Toby's Take on Gay Monogamy: April 8, 2004

An entry from Toby's very funny vividblurry blog (unfortunately, no longer online): 

(quote, bolded highlights are mine):

I chatted with Geek Slut* last night over AIM, and he LOL-ed heartily when I told him my boyfriend and I are engaged in a three-month (and counting) monogamous relationship. According to Mr. Slut, I'll be reconsidering this whole monogamy thing within a year. He said that if I'm uncomfortable with the idea of my boyfriend fucking other boys, then our relationship is based entirely on sex and, subsequently, is doomed.

This, from a man who considers a serious relationship one in which he's been fucking the same guy for two weeks in a row.

Let's get this straight: I don't appreciate being told that the best I can hope for in life is a string of meaningless sexual encounters. I respect anyone's choice to have an open relationship with his boyfriend or no relationship at all, so please respect mine. It's not my fault I was born into a generation that thinks being gay is OK, that doesn't try to mask sexuality with sex, that isn't afraid to find love.

If you think this entry is a knee-jerk rant derivative of my repressed fear of sexual wanting, then think about why you're so opposed to the so-called "hetero" lifestyle I hope to live. Perhaps we're both afraid, just of different things.

God, I wish I had been that self-aware (and that funny!) when I was 21. I was so immersed in my studies, so serious, so self-deluded. God if I could do it over again, I'd do it so differently. But what I've been through has shaped who I am now, and (minor quirks aside) I like who I am now.

(WARNING: I'm not providing a link to Geek Slut's blog; if you're interested you can find it yourself. But if a frank discussion of gay/bi sex and recreational drugs offends you, don't bother looking for it.)