January 2006 blogposts

How I spent New Year's Day.

I've spent most of today doing three things:

1. Napping
2. Throwing Stuff Out
3. Listening to Brokeback Fanmixes

The third item probably requires a bit of explanation. On the Brokeback LiveJournal community I'm hanging out on, people share playlists of music that reminds them of the scenes and themes and mood of the movie Brokeback Mountain (and did I mention I'm going to see it in three days?). These playlists area called fanmixes. I have about seven or eight of them all mixed up together on my mp3 player, and I'm shuffling through the songs. I like a lot of the music very much, it's stuff I never would have thought to listen to before this.

I'm seriously entertaining the idea of putting the Ultimate Brokeback Mountain Fanmix up on my radio.blog, along with my reading of a paragraph or two from parts of Annie Proulx's short story. But I'm not doing anything until Jan. 4th, AFTER I've seen the movie. Meanwhile I'm going to marinade in a bit more moody atmospheric music...

Hi ho, hi ho....

Back to work! I had a good Christmas holiday, better than I was expecting in fact. The best part was having my brother's family home for a week. And I finally had that chance to talk about some issues with my brother that I had been putting off, and that had been nagging at me, for some time. And got them settled :-)

Of course, the very best part of all is when I discovered that my middle nephew has exactly the same quirky sense of humour that I do!

Movie Review: Brokeback Mountain

I was lucky enough to be able to attend a special advance showing of the movie at the Globe Cinema in Winnipeg, Manitoba on Jan. 4th; the movie didn't officially open here until Jan. 6th. It played to a 99% packed house; there may have been one or two empty single seats sprinkled throughout the theatre, but not many. About 75% queer and 25% straight, from what I could tell.

And on the opening day I went to see the movie for the second time, with two of my best friends. I landed up crying even more than the first time! I have decided not to see it again until the DVD comes out, because another viewing now would just rip me all apart inside again.

In a sentence: What a beautiful, heartbreaking, incredible movie. I have never seen any other movie that has had this much of an emotional impact on me. NEVER. And if I should ever see another movie that touches me the way this one did, I will consider myself a very fortunate man.

Calling this a gay cowboy movie is like calling Titanic a movie about a ship and an iceberg; it's technically correct, but completely misses the point. I think that the remembrance of a perfect time in the past that cannot be recaptured, the yearning for that moment, and the heartache of thwarted love and lust, are all universal emotions.

Ang Lee has skillfully used all the tools of his trade to craft a sleek, understated vessel that navigates this sea of issues, a love story that -- never once -- uses the word "love".

And I came away from Brokeback Mountain with an unexpected revelation about my own life.

I walked into the theatre having read the short story (thus knowing the basic plot and ending), and seen the promo videos and fanvids, and listened to the soundtrack and the fanmixes, and made the LJ icons :-) yeah, I know: typical Ryan overboard.

*BUT* I had deliberately avoided all newspaper and TV reviews, and especially all the reviews posted on the Internet.

And so I walked into the movie theatre half-expectant and half-afraid.

NOTE: THE REST OF THIS ENTRY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE. I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU SEE THE MOVIE BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER.

You see, I almost became an Ennis. Ennis Del Mar and I had a lot in common: the difficult childhood, the attempt to "fit in" with his society, the failed early marriage, the self-repression and denial, the anger and frustration and fear of being "found out". There but for the Grace of God go I. More on my revelation later.

The movie revolves around two young men who spend the summer of 1963 tending a large herd of sheep up on Brokeback Mountain. Over the course of the difficult summer work, a friendship develops and deepens, and then, unexpectedly, Jack and Ennis have sex and a relationship begins. Brokeback Mountaintraces their relationship over 20 years, from 1963 to 1983. But the tragic end of the story is sown right from the beginning, from Jack and Ennis' first campout together after they reunite in 1967. Jack says "it could be like this always" and Ennis disagrees. He's just too ruled by his fear that he will be killed if their life together is discovered.

In the motel scene, Jack lies to Ennis about why he's didn't work on Brokeback Mountain the following year. It's a small lie, but notice that the amount of lying Jack does to Ennis only increases over time. If Ennis is the face of fear, then Jack is the face of deceit. In fact all the characters had their human frailties exposed and raw on-screen.

Heath Ledger as ranch hand Ennis Del Mar deserves an Oscar for Best Actor. When he was on-screen he was mesmerizing. Never missed a beat. During my second viewing of Brokeback Mountain I made a point of watching Heath Ledger's face during the first half hour of the movie, and he reminds me of nothing so much as a frightened child. The only times I ever saw him with his face relaxed were when he was with Alma during the first four years, when he was with his daughter Alma Jr., and of course many of the times he was with Jack. A glimpse of the Ennis that could have been.

There's one scene at the very end of the movie that caught me off guard. If you blinked you missed it, but there's a shot of the Brokeback Mountain postcard pinned to the closet door of Ennis' trailer, which is then closed, revealing in its place the view out his trailer window: flat plain. Ennis has literally given up his mountaintop experience (and the potential to continue it) for a sad, flat life. This movie is all about giving up on your happiness and your dreams because of fear of what others may think, an issue of particular resonance for gay men my age or older.

An incredible performance by Michelle Williams as Alma. Here is an innocent, even naive woman, whose simple dreams are abruptly blown out the water, You can see the slow simmer of her years of bitterness and anger finally boil over in the "washing dishes in the kitchen" scene. Hers is the one face whose visible pain matches that of Ennis'.

A few notes on scenes that stood out for me, big time:

1. Every.    single.    time.    that Ennis and Jack returned to Brokeback Mountain to continue their secret affair, I began to cry (this was during my second viewing of the movie; my friends, who did not know the plot, must have thought I had dropped a few neurons). I knew what was coming, which made the earlier scenes even more bittersweet. The tears were rolling down my cheeks by the time the movie rolled around to the second-to-last time Jack and Ennis went together to brokeback Mountain: Jack pleads one last time for them to live together, Ennis responds with sarcasm, and Jack throws up his hands and angrily walks away from Ennis at the river.

2. One of the friends who came with me the second time I saw the film had an insight regarding the older gay man's killing to which a 9-year-old Ennis had been dragged by his father to view. The body was still lying there; it was clear that no sherrif or police had come by. How did Ennis' father know where the body was? Or that there was even a body at all? Ennis tells Jack in quite some (gruesome) detail what was done to the victim. Ennis would have no doubt gotten the information from his father. But again, how did the father know what had happened before the killing? It's clear that Ennis' dad, if not an active participant in this man's murder, was certainly a supportive eyewitness. It's not something I caught before he mentoned it, but it makes Ennis' fear even more palpable.

3. The whole sequence of scenes where an elated, whistling Jack rushes to see Ennis after he learns of Ennis' divorce, followed by Ennis shattering his dream that they could now live together. Crying in his truck, angry and heartbroken, Jack crosses the border into Mexico to pick up a hustler for sex. Absolutely heartbreaking, and Jake Gyllenhaal as Jack was amazing in this series of scenes. Everything rang so true that I could SEE the thoughts in Jack's mind throughout.

4. The final day Jack and Ennis are together, and the final big argument. There's such a torrent of pent-up feelings on both sides that it's almost too much to bear. There's more emotional punch in that five minutes of cinema than there was in the entire summer 2005 release of movies. And Jack's flashback, which explains so perfectly WHY he held on, waiting for Ennis for as long as he did. True heartbreak. This is when I started crying the first time I saw the film.

5. The telephone call between Ennis and Lureen is a masterpiece of wordless acting. I find it ironic that, while Alma knows what's going on from the beginning, the wrapped-up-in-herself Lureen doesn't see what's been going on until the end. And I'm now 100% certain: while she may have already known (or guessed at) about Jack's other extramarital activities, Lureen only puts the pieces of the Ennis-Jack puzzle together when Ennis tells her that "Brokeback Mountain" is a real place. She should get a nomination for best supporting actress too, just for that one scene. Amazing performaces on both ends of the telephone line.

6. The look on Ennis' face when he learns from Jack's father that Jack finally replaced his role in Jack's dream of a life lived together with someone else. And of course, Jack's father told him that deliberately, just to hurt him.

7. And, of course, the whole "Jack I swear..." scene. God that was so moving, even though I knew it was coming. The first time I saw the film, I was convinced that Ennis was an irredeemable character, never able to overcome his fears even though he has already paid the ultimate price in giving up his happiness, and therefore doomed to his own private self-created hell for the rest of his life.

Upon second viewing, I now realize that there are flickers of hope: his relationship with and his love for his daughter Alma Jr. (did you notice the care with which he folds the sweater she left behind?), and him finally taking a step back from using his work as an excuse not to attend her upcoming wedding. This is still a almost completely wrecked and wretched man, but the light that shines in his eyes, when he talks to Jack at the shrine he has set up for him, shows that hope is not yet dead, that the taste of joy he had with Jack will be the thing that carries him to the end of his life, no matter how desperate things become.

8. Two people said to me afterwards "I was expecting the movie to be sadder". WTF!!?! Hello? What's sadder than a man (Ennis) who's given up his happiness out of fear, and can't see how to get out of the private hell he's created for himself? And what's sadder than a man (Jack) who hangs around for twenty years, blowing on his ember of a dream to keep it aflame, hoping in vain that the other would change his mind and join his dream of a life together? And finally giving up?? How much sadder do you WANT?!?

The audience was silent, awed and mesmerized by the story as it unfolded onscreen. There was a funny moment: acell phone went off during the scene where Ennis is in Jack's parents' kitchen, before he goes upstairs. Quickly followed by five or six people who all yelled "Turn it OFF!" "LEAVE!" Followed by a spasm of audience laughter when everybody realized how everybody else went apeshit on this poor guy. Which means I missed a bit of the dialogue at that point. (No problem, I caught it the second time around. This is most definitely a movie you can see more than once.)

This picture deserves an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. The additions to the short story/novella were superb and seamless.

And the cinematography was beautiful. I know which picture I'll be pulling for at our next Oscar Night party!!

And how could you not love a movie with credits for Chilean sheepherders? :-P

Back to my personal revelation. What was it?

That I had made choices so that I was not Ennis, that when the lights came up I was there in the theatre with my gay friends and we were all living lives that Ennis could not even imagine. I conquered my fears and came out, and I haven't given up my happiness! So I felt both happy and sad as the movie ended: sad for the story and especially for Ennis' private hell, but happy in realizing I was NOT Ennis.

Ennis and Aeneas

Aeneas says to Dido's ghost, "I swear by every oath that hell can muster, I swear I left you against my will. The law of God--the law that sends me now through darkness, bramble, rot and profound night--unyielding drove me; nor could I have dreamed that in my leaving I would hurt you so".

I have just finished reading the most intelligent, insightful discussion thread regarding the movie Brokeback Mountain, from the Internet Movie Databasediscussion forums.

It contains major spoilers for the movie, but if you have already seen it and want a renewed and heightened appreciation of the care that Annie Proulx, Larry McMurtry, Diana Ossana, and Ang Lee put into creating this short story, screenplay, and film, this is an absolute must-read.

Among the points discussed are:

--- the uncanny parallels between Brokeback Mountain and the classical myth of Aeneas and Dido (see quote above)
--- a discussion on the film's associations to the concept of "blood brothers" or Bruderschaft
--- the symbolism of various colours in the film
--- the symbolism of the two paper bags in the film, one at the beginning and one at the end
--- and much more

This was such a great discussion that I've decided to go see the movie a third time to appreciate many of the points made.

Symbolism and symmetry in Brokeback Mountain

Another excellent, insightful essay on the patterns and symmetries in the visual images of the film Brokeback Mountain. It makes me appreciate Ang Lee's work even more. You could feast on this for days, people.

Symbolism and symmetry in Brokeback Mountain, by LJ user destina.